This morning I am again thinking about the facts concerning God and my place in this thing we call life. Does the God I think of really exist? I am not saying, is there a God? I am asking is God the God I have been taught he is.       My first hurdle is the teaching that I am made after his image and I know that I could never send my children to hell.   My first thought is that I do not have anything in me that is drawn to a God or anyone who has the potential to do such a thing.  So I wander, am I doomed or is there another God other than the one I have in my mind.            My dealings with God have always centered around his unconditional love for me.  I can not love myself any more than I feel God loves me. That has always been at the center of my spiritual problems.  I feel about myself how I think God feels about me.  For the most part that has been a very dark road.  Until now I have just stuffed it and played pretend.  I was in the middle of people who claimed you can obtain a perfect walk in Gods eyes.  What does that mean?   People say that this means God holds you to what you know.   If this is true then why are people so hung up on what others doing.   I can't even take care of my own stuff how do people find time to judge others?  I think God looks down and says, "What are you doing. I have shown you the beam in your own eye and your picking at that other persons splinter."  It is refreshing to talk to people who are going thru what I have.  I have never been able to claim that I have lived like God wanted me to.   God has given me a very defined target and that target is way, way off.        I can't think about how far I am away from my target.  I just have to get up each day and take a shot.   It feels like I like I am shooting at a target with my little Bow and Arrow and I look out and I can not even see the target.  All I can do is aim as good as I can and let it rip.  The nice thing is every day I get to step up a little closer to my target, That is, if I decide to take another shot.  I haven't even put one on the target yet let alone hit a bulls eye.  I am getting better every day. Not as much my aim but making the decision to take another shot today.  I have learned that my aim only gets better with practice and instruction from others who have been there before me.  I now give credit to those who TRY.  I am so ashamed that I use to judge people by outward things.  God tells us the most important things are on the inside and guess what.  We do not have the skills to see that part of a person.  Its like men have come up with outward things and rules that they think shows them what's on the inside.  This is not possible. 

      I have been in management for years now and I see the same thing in industry.  When the people are not doing things management has instructed the boss will try to figure out what the problem is.  It could be that the worker needs something you can not see unless you talk to him and he or she lets you INSIDE.   Cracking down on this employee about the outward stuff like being on time or starting your job as directed will do nothing to help production. The problem is something you can not see.  The problem is most bosses say "I told them to do this or that and they did not listen so they can hit the road."   The sad thing is the Boss has no idea what the real problem is.   If that employee would have followed the bosses advice and conformed to his commands the boss would have thought, "What a good employee, he is OK on the inside because he followed my instructions.  The fact is the employee is still broken and needs help but the Boss thinks everything is OK.    He is fooled by his own rules.  He probably thought if the employee follows my outward rules that means everything is good on the inside.  NO.   It may show that this person is playing the game.  It is so much easer to play along.  The employee gets by with murder on everything else as long as he conforms to the RULES.  All this produces are foolish men who THINK there in charge and a bunch of hypocrites trying to fit in.                                I am trying to live life like a road trip.  No I am not at my final destination but I am making decent time considering the traffic.  Instead of beating myself up every day for not being there yet I give myself credit for the progress I have made.                                                                    I end with one question.  What did Jesus mean when he told us to be like him. Is that possible? Did he mean to strive to be like him? If this is what he was saying do we have to except the fact that we will never be just like him.  Is the fact that you get up every day and strive to be like him but never reaching that goal a total success?